I was gone most of the day yesterday and didn’t get any writing up. I’m glad I didn’t though, because this came to me late in the day, and I think it’s important in life, and in healing what ails you.
My mother told me a long time ago that if there are never any disagreements in a relationship then someone is lying. It’s something that has stuck with me, and between that and another thing I’m about to talk about, it put together something major in my mind.
How many people here have been a victim of, or thought/said the following, “If you don’t know (why I am mad/upset) then I’m not going to tell you!”
Those two things I’ve just written about seem totally unrelated, but they are symptoms of the same problem. A lack of true and honest communication. Communication, the basis for every relationship from micro-biology and the ways our cells communicate to keep the body alive, to the interpersonal relationships we have for all of our life. They both have one thing in common, without the communication the relationship dies. It may be a slow whittling away death, a slow shut down, but it happens.
It’s important, I believe, in any healing process (anytime at all really) to keep the lines of communication open. Whether you think the other person will “understand” or not.
When we shut down that communication we isolate ourselves. We alienate ourselves and create an environment where we can begin to justify all kinds of negative feelings. “No one understand me.” “No one cares.” “No one knows what pain I endure.”
The thing is, most people aren’t mind readers. They don’t know unless you share it with them. They can assume, and oh boy watch out for the ire you’ll feel when they assume wrong!
It’s true that some people won’t understand when you say what you have to say, but that’s where another important thing comes into play…trust. Sometimes you need to just trust that you’ll be listened to, and whether you are understood or not, the other person will ask the questions they need to ask to understand it.
Far too frequently do we clam up when a simple few questions and answers would clear everything up. (And I mean that BEFORE it festers for X amount of time has passed when things have compounded one on the other.)
It’s just some food for thought, because if you don’t speak then no one knows…
With love, Namaste, WL